My feet stink. What would you do in my shoes?

Dear Al:
The most wonderful man I ever had in my life left me. He left me because my feet stink! I haven't noticed it myself that night, but when he started becoming distant to the point that he kept getting up to use the toilet every ten minutes at our favorite restaurant, I knew something was wrong. At first I thought it was diarrhea when I asked him to which he responded "Don't you smell it?" I said jokingly "It's ok... you cleaned your ass pretty good." He then said "Not me, you..." which I responded "I don't have the runs." Then all of a sudden he got up stating that he has to run, but it wasn't to the toilet this time. He ran out of the restaurant! When I caught him outside he apologized and said that he couldn't do this anymore and almost threw up as he pointed to my feet! I was speechless! I knew I had a little problem, but I didn't think it was that bad! He then walked away, looking back at me... slowly panning down to my feet. I then caught myself a taxi, but was only driven halfway home before I got kicked out!

Al, I've been together with this person for almost two months, but it feels like forever! There's got to be something I could do about my feet! What would you do in my shoes?
-- Leslie, Down Under

Dear Leslie:
Take them off! Think I want to stink?!

Seriously, you need to wash your feet twice everyday in a bathtub or basin. You wont get good results showering to avoid touching your funk. Once they're dry, powder them. Try to wear open sandals. But if you have athletes foot, cover that crap with socks! See a freakin doctor!

You also need to change out your shoes. Don't rock the same ones everyday!

Maybe he'll come back once you have corrected this problem. But if not, at least the people at the restaurant will be happy.

He's cool... Should I act like nothing happened?

Hey AL:
I need your help!!! I don’t understand this man that I met and I need your advice!!!

Long story short, I have known this man called “P” for about a year, P ‘s boss is my business client and that’s how I come to know him. We have known each other for about a year and during these period, we only communicating with each other once every two /three months (For biz purpose).

Out of the blue, P invited me to lunch 2 weeks ago and I didn’t know it was a date or not, but I said yes anyway. During the 4 hours lunch, he talked a lot about himself (from his childhood to his adult life and more personal stuff (like his relationship with his family) that I didn’t expect to hear. I didn’t really talk much during the lunch as I did encourage P to talk more of himself and I was very intrigued with his life stories and experience (but I also realised I can only see him as a friend). He insisted paying for the lunch and when I objected, he said I could pay for the next one….


I did send him a thank you email on the same day but I haven’t heart from him eversince!!! So I shoot him an whatsapp msg yesterday but he ignored me!! WTH?? OK..eventhough P doesn’t think I am datable, can’t we just be friend?? He seems like a cool guy to hangout with and now I feel a bit awkward about the next time we have a business meeting! How should I react? Should I just pretend we didn’t even have that “lunch” thing and just try to act like nothing happened?
-- Confused Woman

Yo Confused Woman
You're probably confused as to why I haven't responded in over two months, which is not new to you the way you handle that business relationship. You stated before that your communication with P was once every two to three months and your concerned why he hasn't responded to your message two weeks after that lunch together? The man is ignoring you and you're asking me how you should react at your next business meeting? Well, here's a clue. Don't ask him how's his family is doing during your PowerPoint presentation!

Your first mistake was having lunch with your client's employee! You've done business with P. You don't take him up for a corn-dog!

Second, there shouldn't be a second! Anyway, second, as soon as P opened up about his pathetic life, you should've stopped him at birth! You should've looked at your watch and remembered your meeting with an imaginary client.

Third... pretty sad it's gone this far. Sending P a thank you email after you probably thanked him for lunch (another mistake) was moronic. Never say THANK YOU! Those words are for retailers on the store floor! It wasn't an official date, and why thank someone who made your ears bleed?

Fourth... whatever... Don't worry if P is present at your business meeting with your client. The man has ignored you (smart move on is part) for over two weeks. That lunch was a mistake, so carry on like it nevered happened. If for some reason P brings it up out of embarrassement due to your professionalism at the meeting say "No problem... Lets talk business." If he insists to talk about it say "Sorry... Meeting someone for lunch," and get your ass out of there! Don't stick around to listen to his current life story, doing your clients laundry!

If you're out of business by now since I haven't responded in time, chalk this up as a lessoned learned. You'll know what to do in your next life!

How can I stop liberal drivers speeding in my neighborhood?

Dear AL:
I have two children, an eight year old and a five year old and I'm constantly worried about liberal speeders who pass through my neighborhood. My 8 year old's friends live just across the street, and he knows the rules to look both way before he crosses, but I escort him across out of fear of those crazy liberal drivers. I also fear for my safety as well as my childs since they drive so fast. Is there anything I can do to stop these liberal maniacs?

Vicki, Danger Road, surrounded by liberals

Dear Vicki:
Liberals? How do you know they're not Teabaggers?

Look, attend your next community council meeting and make a request for speed bumps. The speed bumps will also inconvenience you as well as your neighbors, but think of your family's safety. Even with speed bumps you should still cross the street with your child until these morons get use to these gentle reminders.

Just don't build your own, it's against the law!

Watched YouTube videos of fat belly girls... Jealous

Dear AL:
For as long as I can remember I have always loved fat bellies. I have always watched youtube videos of girls playing with their own. I became jealous. I want to know how I could get a bigger belly as soon as possible.
--Savannah, Florida

Dear Savannah:
You're kidding, right?

Darling, having a belly isn't what it's crack up to be. It might look great to you, but eventually it will droop looking like an oversized fanny pack. According to a new study from Boston University School of Medicine, besides heart attacks and heart disease, having excess fat around the Abdomen may shrink your brain boosting your risk of dementia. Those girls showing off their kegs on YouTube is a prime example.

Love yourself as you are, but if by chance you gain weight, try to keep it under control to save whatever brain cells you have left. Spare YouTube, the world another jelly performance. Please!

Boston University School of Medicine Study:
Reference link

WebMD reporting on Boston study:
Reference link

What it bees like?

Hey AL:
Thing is when we're frontin', we'll be talkin' smack and shit. But sometimes it bees like "Dawg, what you're talkin bout?" Then he'll be dissing, but not harsh and I'll be like "What the fuck?" then we're laffing like nothing happened. Another time ace bees like "Dawg, where's your game?" But I don't carry it around so I say "You dissing me?" and he smiles and then again we're laffing and shit. We play around like it's no thing, illing nonstop and snapin wit our peeps and slammin phat chicks that obviously know better, but when your mama raised you right you're wonderin' if it's all that and a pack of chips. It makes me think. So what it bees likes, Al? What it bees like?
-- Marvin, Detroit

Yo Marvin:
Bees like pollen. I hope this helped! :P