Can't Stand FIRST Posters!

Dear Al:
What is it with people who's only interest in posting a comment is to be the first one to post it? It makes me nuts when I read these comments with just the word "First!" on popular blogs, or any blog.
Nobody cares if you're first, just stick with the subject! Second and third posters make me sick to!
-- Chuck, Canada


Dear Chuck:
Sounds like you're upset because you wasn't first. Am I right? Well guess what, you're not gona be the first commenter here either! Ba-ha!

Friends, don't let me down!

My Husband and the Babsitter

Dear Al:
I am married to my husband for over 7 years, and we never had any problems up until now. Shortly after we hired our neighbors 20 year old daughter to babsit our two children, I caught her performing oral sex on my husband! I immediately fired her and told my husband that he has 3 days to find a new place! He then told me he was sorry and asked for my forgiveness, so I gave him a second chance, and he rehired our neighbors daughter to babsit again.

Did I do the right thing?
-- Confused, Tennessee


Dear Confused:
Babsit? Ok readers, I'm gona let this mistake slide, but it would've been good!

Anyway, if I was in your shoes, I would have kicked his ass to the curb from the start! And if he begs to come back, I would give him the option to walk and quack like a duck for 3 hours everyday, up and down the neighborhood for a whole week, or divorce! I made a fool of myself one time, and he can too!

Your husband is not sorry for what he did, or that tramp wouldn't be in your house! Fire her ass again, tell him to pull his head out of his ass, and if he starts bitching, you know what to do! Good luck!

An Apology To My Readers

From the responses on my blog, or lack of from a few on my blogroll on 2 entries before this one, and the anonymous hate emails I've recieved from male readers "Jonathan?" in response to my post before this one, I ruffled quite a few feathers, and I'm sorry.

Tracy, I'm sorry about my cruel jokes. Your avatar is cute, big eyed and all, and I would love to see her in my blog comments. I think I'll survive!

Jonathan, I'm sorry if I offended you with my jokes, and for calling you a dork. You didn't ask for my advice, but I was only trying to help.
I wish you luck with your son, and good luck with getting intouch with Dear Abby!

To show you how sincere I am, Jonathan, I present to you for your viewing pleasure the famous Balopsy Twins! By viewing this video, it will help feed the skinny one in shorts!



Am I the man, or what?!!!

Why doesn't Dear Abby give me advice?

Dear AL:
For the last few weeks I've been writting Dear Abby about a problem, but she's hasn't gave me any advice! My sons girlfriend moved into our place, and I told him that it's not a good idea, but he brushed me off with a laugh. At first it didn't look like it was gona be a problem, until I came home one day and caught my son and her smoking weed in the livingroom while playing a game on the TV, throwing chips at each other. I then told them to clean up their mess, and to stop smoking weed, but he laughed at me, called me a Dork, and went to his room.

I don't appreciate my son talking to me like that, and the fact that Dear Abby is not repsonding. My son and his girlfriend think I'm stupid asking for advice, but I don't care!

Any ideas on how to get Dear Abby's attention? This is serious!
-- John, Idaho

Dear John:
You seriously want me to help you get intouch with Dear Abby? Are you on Crack?!!! Don't make me call you a Dork!

I don't know your situation, if you're disabled or not, but your son is living under your roof, not the other way around!

No warnings! When your son is not around, grab all his shit, and his girlfriends, and throw it out! You sound like you might need a little help, so ask your friends for assistance. Then have a BBQ with your friends, and enjoy the look on your son's and girlfriends faces as they discover their Playstation asses are out in the street! Good luck!

Could You Install Haloscan Comments?

Dear AL:
First I have to say that I love your blog! Your hilarious posts have me and my friends rolling on the floor!
When are you gona install Haloscan Comments on your blog? I prefer to comment on your blog using Haloscan, specially since I have a cute Gravatar that shows in it. Isn't she the cutest little thing you ever saw?

I think Blogger comments is great, but it would be also great if you also install Haloscan comments too!

So, what do you say?
-- Tracy, Canada

Dear Tracy:
***PUKE*** You are never gona see your Gravatar Avatar on my blog!
YOU HEAR ME!

Serious, Gravatar is a great service, I have an account with them, but the reason why I wont install Haloscan comments is because they disappear after 60 days. I treasure comments left on my blog, and there is no way I'm gona allow Haloscan delete them so they can save server space/resources.

Every blog I came across that had Haloscan installed that I commented on, I discovered that comments older than 60 days were missing when I checked the bloggers archives, like I never posted a comment!
Maybe they should change their name to Hollowscan!

Anyway, Tracy, you can still see your Avatar on my blog if you just simply get a Blogger account, just warn me when you do so I can gouge my eyes out!