I'm Being Sexually Harassed

Dear AL:
For the past month and a half at my new job, my butt ugly supervisor I nicknamed Stinky has been sexually harassing me. At first I thought he was just trying to make me feel at home, since I was new. It all started when I had a problem with my computer, which Stinky offered his help. He leaned over my shoulder with his face to look at my monitor, that we was cheek to cheek. I then heard him sniffing my perfume, and when I got a whif of him, I felt like throwing up! He smells like a smoker who eats horse crap!

He's always walking into my cubicle while I'm working, most of the time sneaking in so he can rub my shoulders, but last week Stinky played with my hair! Everywhere I go, Stinky shows up, and always sits next to me during meetings! He asked me out one time, but I told him I was taken, so he said "a little affair goes a long way", Quid Pro Quo.

Al, what can I do about Stinky? It's bad enough he smells like shit, the man is geting on my nerves!
-- Harrassed, Big-Ass Corporation

Dear Harassed:
Sorry Stinky is doing more than smelling up your airspace, time to set his ass straight! Keep telling him firmly to stop, talk about it with others, while Documenting and keeping copies of dates, times, and witnesses of everything that's happening, emails that are related to the harassment, even if it's anonymous, negative actions that you experience because of your refusal to submit to sexually harassing behavior, poor evaluation, a demotion, or low grade because of your refusal to cooperate with the sexual demands.

Buy yourself one of those tiny voice activated tape recorders, and hide it somewhere close to your computer, or better, wire yourself. Keep copies of the tapes at home. You need as much evidence as possible, specially if Stinky is popular, so they can't take his word over yours and give you the boot, but more than likely they are looking for an excuse to get rid of Funky Ass Breath!

Why do sexual harassers stink? Gallop poll states that 80% of sexual harssers breath smell like poo!Once you collected enough evidence to fry Stinky, go out and buy yourself one of these handy dandy gas masks, and every time mr. Funk Breath walks into your office cubicle, scream "GAS!", and put it on! After a few times of doing this, Stinky should get the picture, or have a heart attack! Then proceed to your companys Human Resource office and file your complaint, just remember to take the mask off!

Visit the Sexual Harassment Support site, that's where I got most of my information. They don't have any advice if the harasser stinks, but I got you covered!

Blog has an email form!


I just added an email form to my blogs sidebar, so you don't have to login to your email account to write me!
You lazy people, you!

It's a simple form, all I'm asking for is your name (real or fake), your location or Blog URL, and your message. So, if there's anything bothering you, like a dumbass boss, a secret love, or hives on your ass, WRITE ME!

Can't Stand FIRST Posters!

Dear Al:
What is it with people who's only interest in posting a comment is to be the first one to post it? It makes me nuts when I read these comments with just the word "First!" on popular blogs, or any blog.
Nobody cares if you're first, just stick with the subject! Second and third posters make me sick to!
-- Chuck, Canada


Dear Chuck:
Sounds like you're upset because you wasn't first. Am I right? Well guess what, you're not gona be the first commenter here either! Ba-ha!

Friends, don't let me down!

My Husband and the Babsitter

Dear Al:
I am married to my husband for over 7 years, and we never had any problems up until now. Shortly after we hired our neighbors 20 year old daughter to babsit our two children, I caught her performing oral sex on my husband! I immediately fired her and told my husband that he has 3 days to find a new place! He then told me he was sorry and asked for my forgiveness, so I gave him a second chance, and he rehired our neighbors daughter to babsit again.

Did I do the right thing?
-- Confused, Tennessee


Dear Confused:
Babsit? Ok readers, I'm gona let this mistake slide, but it would've been good!

Anyway, if I was in your shoes, I would have kicked his ass to the curb from the start! And if he begs to come back, I would give him the option to walk and quack like a duck for 3 hours everyday, up and down the neighborhood for a whole week, or divorce! I made a fool of myself one time, and he can too!

Your husband is not sorry for what he did, or that tramp wouldn't be in your house! Fire her ass again, tell him to pull his head out of his ass, and if he starts bitching, you know what to do! Good luck!

An Apology To My Readers

Please forgive me! Oh please, please forgive me! So what do you say, you forgive me? No? Then screw you!From the responses on my blog, or lack of from a few on my blogroll on 2 entries before this one, and the anonymous hate emails I've recieved from male readers "Jonathan?" in response to my post before this one, I ruffled quite a few feathers, and I'm sorry.

Tracy, I'm sorry about my cruel jokes. Your avatar is cute, big eyed and all, and I would love to see her in my blog comments. I think I'll survive!

Jonathan, I'm sorry if I offended you with my jokes, and for calling you a dork. You didn't ask for my advice, but I was only trying to help.
I wish you luck with your son, and good luck with getting intouch with Dear Abby!

To show you how sincere I am, Jonathan, I present to you for your viewing pleasure the famous Balopsy Twins! By viewing this video, it will help feed the skinny one in shorts!



Am I the man, or what?!!!